I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
