my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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