Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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