She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
