I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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