Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
