i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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