i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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