So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
