Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
soo... how was my night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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