Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
