She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
