If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
