Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
