she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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