i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
