We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
