The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
