Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
