Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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