Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
