i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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