I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
