I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize