wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
