hotel room ftw
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
