I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
