I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm at about main and main street
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
