Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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