i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
