When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
