The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
