goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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