I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
