Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
