I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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