Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
