i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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