I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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