Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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