It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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