please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
