Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
