When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
