he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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