So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
