Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
