girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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