My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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