and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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