i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
