Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
