If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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