im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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