I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
