Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
