I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
