That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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