I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
